


Steel Camelias

by captainflintsjacket



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Child Death, Dirty Jokes, F/M, Flirting, Some angst, i know this is a weird place to put this tag now but, nsfw mentions, sharing a hotel room :o, some fun road trip shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 05:46:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20522924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainflintsjacket/pseuds/captainflintsjacket
Summary: Based on a request: “Can you do a Leonard McCoy x reader. Where everyone is on shore leave, but the reader can’t go back to her home in Alabama so she asks Leonard if she could go with him.”Originally posted as two separate works, but I just put them both in one post because Why Not.





	Steel Camelias

A fever had broken out among the crew of the Enterprise. Everyone seemed to run everywhere until they were bent over their desks working overtime or spending twelve hour days on shift in the Medbay. Even Jim spent most of the days in the captain’s chair, skipping meals and sleep, hoping it would somehow make the days go faster. Everyone had the itch. Everyone but you.

It felt like this every time shore leave was announced, but you were never sure if everyone else was moving at superhuman speeds or if you were moving slower. As each day passed, it got harder to get out of bed. The Enterprise was your home. This crew was your family. You had nowhere else to go.

You stared at the roof of your quarters for the last night for two weeks, memorizing the curves and crevices, the smell of the sheets and the sterile feeling of the air. People complained that it felt too mechanical but to you it felt safe. It was the only roof guaranteed to you.

The dining hall was almost empty when you got there. Everyone else was finishing last minute projects. Making sure their affairs were in order. It gave you time to think as you picked at your food. You’d been thinking about visiting the Rockies, but holing up in a cabin alone for two weeks didn’t sound like a great vacation. No, somewhere warm would be better. A beach, maybe. Or a little place out in the country. Hell, maybe you’d skip the States and find a little villa somewhere on the Italian coast.

“Damn you look like you could use a vacation,” Jim said as he plopped down in front of you. You glared at him before stabbing your food and taking a bite to avoid conversation.

Bones sat down next to you. “Slouching is bad for your back, you know.” You curled over the table, pulling your food closer to you. “Someone’s not a morning person,” Bones muttered as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Or maybe someone just wants to go on shore leave a day early,” Jim teased. “Got somewhere special to be?” You shoved another forkful of food in your mouth. “I plan to hit the beach. Probably the bar. Maybe pick up a few lovely ladies to relax with.”

“Never did understand the appeal of the beach,” Bones interjected. “Too many people. Trash and sand everywhere. High risk of skin cancer. God knows what bacteria is in the water.”

“Take it you’re going back to Georgia, again,” Jim laughed.

“Damn right. Gonna take Jo out camping up north.”

“Because the woods are super clean. No disease-carrying bugs or dirt and twigs stuck in your shoes-”

“Shut up, Jim. You come out camping with me and you’ll change your tune. Best way to get your body back in rhythm. Nothing in the world like laying down in a soft patch of grass looking up at stars, listening to a creek bubbling past you. Cicadas humming. Lightning bugs in the air. Mmm, nothing like it.”

You gripped your bowl tighter, thinking of the text your sister sent you. She wants to see you. It would be nice to go home again. Feel the Southern heat. The grass between your toes. Get a chance to sit under that old camellia tree. You wondered if the rope swing your dad built was still there. How many days had you and your sister spent fighting over who got to swing first? Over who went highest? Daring each other to jump off until one of you scraped a knee or twisted an ankle and the game was over. Both of you scolded the whole night and on the swing again as soon as the sun was up.

The table jerked when your knees hit it as you stood. You left your food half eaten, fully stabbed apart, as you struggled to keep your breath steady. You couldn’t go back. You could only move forward. Forward with your day. Forward with your career. Forward with your life.

And yet when shore leave finally came and you stood alone on the landing docks, the world seemed to stand still. Spouses hugged each other, crying and laughing and kissing to make up for the years they’d missed. Kids ran to their parents. Families were reunited. It felt unfair when yours was still so broken.

Bones tapped your arm gently. “You okay?” You nodded but refused to look at him, so he slipped a finger under your chin and forced you too. He stood for a few seconds without saying anything, simply studying you. “What’s wrong?”

Leonard’s hand on your cheek felt like the only thing holding you together as you closed your eyes and whispered, “My mom’s really sick,” with all the composure of a heroin addict coming off a high. “I can’t go home.” It was all crashing down down down as Leonard took you in his arms and you gave yourself this moment of weakness.

You hid your tears quickly as Jim catcalled from across the landing pad. “Knew shore leave was all it would take for you two to finally shack up! Where’s Sulu? He owes me money.” Bones scowled and lit into Jim harshly enough for the kids nearby to cling a little tighter to their parents. When he turned his attention back to you, you were gone.

You slammed the hotel door shut, dropping your bags unceremoniously to the ground. You fumbled with the bathroom door. Fumbled with the light switch. Then you were on your knees in front of the toilet dry heaving a lifetime of bad memories and a childhood taken from you too soon. You pressed your face against the side of the bowl and sobbed. She wants to see you.

It was dark out when the knock at your door came, gentle at first, but persistent. Then aggravated. You opened the door to see Bones in the hallway looking far too high-strung for someone on vacation. “I’ve been calling you for days.” You shrugged, not able to meet his eye. Of course you knew he’d been calling you and he had to know you were ignoring him. He closed his eyes and sighed, steadying his patience like he was talking to a child. You tried to muster the energy to be offended but couldn’t. “Can I please come in?”

You said nothing to indicate your agreement but walked away from the door without closing it. Bones followed you in, surveying the mess that you’d managed to make in the few days since shore leave had started. Take out and beer cans littered the living room while the kitchenette appeared pristine. You knocked a can off the couch and sat down, feet propped on the table. The bed didn’t look like it had been slept in.

Leonard’s heart ached for you as he stepped gingerly around the mess to sit down on the couch next to you. He left enough space for you to not feel trapped but to let you know he wasn’t going anywhere. “Tell me what you need.”

You stared blankly at the television before tossing the remote sideways to him. “Pick a movie.”

Three movies later and the sun was coming up. You had long since fallen asleep to the rise and fall of Bones’ chest while he stroked your bare shoulder, wondering, thinking. Not knowing how to help. He started with getting you to bed and tucking you under the sheets. You grumbled at first, missing his body heat, but settled for wrapping your arms around a pillow instead.

When you finally woke up, the room was spotless and a plate of waffles sat on the kitchen table in the golden afternoon sun. You could hear Bones snoring from the couch. With the sheets still wrapped tightly around you, you hauled yourself up from bed and walked towards Bones. He was a work of art, jawline carved painstakingly out of marble and heart molded out of gold. Your own heart seemed withered in comparison.

You tightened your grip on the pillow in your hand and swung it hard against Leonard’s face. He jumped off the couch, nearly falling over the coffee table as his brain tried to make sense of where he was and what was happening. His hair stuck up at all ends where it was pressed against the couch cushions, and you had to admit it made an adorable sight.

“You think that’s funny, huh,” Bones asked, snatching the pillow from you. You shrugged, biting back at the smile on your lips. “How ‘bout a taste of your own medicine. Doctor’s orders.” Bones smacked you in the hip with the pillow, not that you could feel much through your blanket armor. Before you could move, Bones got you again across the shoulder. You tried to scramble away, but your feet got tangled up in your own blanket armor and you went tumbling down as Bones straddled you, hitting you again and again with the pillow until you finally managed to yell out a surrender between fits of laughter.

He rolled to the ground beside you, brushing hair out of your eyes as you peeked out from among the blankets. “Come on,” he said. “Your food’s cold, kiddo.”

You immediately groaned, rolling over and pulling the blankets back over your face. “Way to ruin the fucking moment, Len. You can go now.”

“Moment?”

You shot up, leaving an empty husk of blankets behind you. “Are you serious?” You glared at Leonard. “You didn’t see the moment there? Because that was totally a moment and you ruined it, kiddo.” You stuck your tongue out at Leonard who, much to your delight, laughed.

“I didn’t realize I should be looking for moments, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want Jim to lose his bet about us ‘shacking up’ now would we?” You winked at Leonard as you sat down at the table. He chuckled again as he joined you, admiring, not for the first time, the way the light hit your skin.

He let the silence settle for a few minutes before he dared to stir it again. “Why can’t you go home?” He made his voice soft, uncritical, as if he were asking you about the weather not asking you to unpack one of the most traumatic events in your life.

You took a breath, pretending like you hadn’t already rehearsed a thousand different ways to tell Leonard. “I had a baby when I was sixteen.” Bones, to his credit, tried to pretend he didn’t choke on his coffee. “My town is…” You sighed, already feeling your throat tighten. You covered your face with your hands, hiding from something as usual but never quite sure what. “Blue Springs is small. It’s so small. Less than 100 people. It’s the kind of small where everyone knows each other and everyone knows you had sex with Tommy Ridenhauer when you were supposed to be at track practice. The kind of small where getting pregnant was God’s way of punishing you for lying and getting kicked out of the church was punishment for having a baby out of wedlock and getting kicked out of the house is punishment for not going to church. It’s the kind of town where you find yourself sixteen and on the streets when your baby’s father decides he doesn’t want anything to do with you, so you’ve got to work at the diner ‘til the baby’s practically falling out of you so you can afford the rent in a shithole apartment, never mind making it to Calculus on time. It’s the kind of town that praises itself for having open arms and open doors until you make one stupid mistake and then even your parents are slamming doors in your face.”

You sucked in a sharp breath, feeling your hands start to shake. You balled them in fists and set them gently against the table as you breathed out, focusing on the feel of the table against your skin and the way the chair bit into the widest part of your hips and the smell of coffee going stale and anything that would ground your mind back to this moment.

“That wasn’t in your medical history,” Bones said, more to himself than to you.

You wrung your hands briefly before sliding a finger under the rubber band around your wrist and snapping it against your skin. You took a deep breath and snapped it again, feeling your anger and your pain dissipate. The rubber band became the only sound in a kitchen that started to feel too big. “I didn’t want to tell anyone. You tell them you’re a single mom and people start treating you like you’re made of glass.” You gritted your teeth. Pulled the rubber band. Let it snap.

Bones reached out and put a hand over yours, stopping you from snapping the rubber band anymore. “I could help, darlin. I’ve been raising Jo on my own since her mom and I split. I know it’s hard-” 

“You don’t know shit,” you yelled, standing abruptly. You swiped your arm across the table, sending the waffle and plate crashing to the floor. “My parents disowned me. You know how I found out? I came home from school and my key didn’t work in the lock anymore. I knocked on their door. I knocked on the neighbors door. I called their phones for an hour and you know what they did? They called the police. The police. Then they pulled my sister out of the community high school and stuck her in a private school so I couldn’t see her anymore, and Tommy, God. Tommy dumped me so he could focus on football, because he was up for a scholarship and needed to perform well for the scouts. I had no one. I couldn’t pass the baby off when I had to work a double shift. There was no one. No one to hold my hand during labor. No one to show me how to change a diaper or how to mix formula or how to rock her to sleep. No one to tell me if I was doing it right or wrong or how to fix it and there was no one there for me when I had to bury her.”

The levee finally gave out and a sob ripped from your throat like a storm. You crumpled, feeling every bit like the scared teenager you were all those years ago. Your body shook despite your best efforts to calm yourself, to breathe, and, although he was usually one for quick comebacks, Bones had no words to help you. So he sat instead, sliding to the ground next to you and pulling you onto his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and held him and he held you, both your bodies shaking from the force of your sobs. He held you until you forgot where you ended and Bones began.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that but the stiffness in your joints suggested it was longer than you should have. Yet you still couldn’t pull your head from Bones’ chest. He was stroking your hair, humming softly. An country song you recognized but couldn’t quite place. You could feel his heartbeat drumming away under the palm of your hand like you were in some fucking romance novel and this was the part before you looked up longingly into his eyes and kissed him, except you had no more energy and he ruined the moment as soon as it began.

“What was your daughter’s name?”

You cleared your throat, afraid of how raspy your voice would sound. “Eden.” Bones hummed in response before picking up the tune again. You picked at a loose thread on the shirt he was wearing. He dropped his hand from your head to stroke your shoulder.

“What happened?”

You continued to pull at the thread. “Depends who you ask. My mother would say it was God punishing me for my sins.”

Bones brought his hand around to rest on top of yours. You finally caught his eye. “I’m not asking your mother. I’m asking you.”

“SIDS.” You crossed your arms, turning away from him so your back was flush with his chest. You suddenly felt restless. Like you needed to run.

Bones must’ve noticed because he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. “That why you went into the medical field?” You nodded. “You know there’s no predicting SIDS. Even if you do everything you’re supposed to, sometimes it just….happens. And it’s not your fault. It’s not God’s punishment. It’s just cruel and random and happens to great parents everywhere.” Bones sighed. “I didn’t know you when you were sixteen but I know you now. You would’ve been a great mom. The fact that your mother couldn’t see it says more about her than it does you.”

“I don’t know if I can talk to her alone. I’ve been mad at her for so long I don’t….I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re not alone, then.”

______

The wind scraped through the trees, letting out the wails you could no longer muster within yourself. Instead, you stood stoic, planting your own roots in front of the small memorial at your feet. “I had her cremated.” Bones had the decency not to ask, but you could tell the question was on his mind. “Couldn’t afford a funeral. I wanted her close. So she always knows she’s loved.”

Bones put a hand on the small of your back, pulling you closer to him. “How did you end up in San Francisco?”

“I applied to Starfleet. Figured it was the best thing I could do for Eden. She’d have health care, day care. I’d be able to afford a good school for her.” You let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a choke. “The acceptance letter came the day after she died.” Bones said nothing. Some wounds couldn’t be healed with words.

“We should probably go,” you said, but your feet remained firmly planted. You thought it would get easier, but each time you said goodbye to your daughter felt like the first. You let Bones tug you away slowly, humming again, and you put your head against his chest, letting the vibrations fill your head.

Bones opened the passenger door for you, and you clambered in with the grace of a three legged dog. You curled up on yourself, feet up on the dash, head against the window, as Bones started the car. This was the only way you’d agreed to go back to Alabama, knowing full well driving would take longer.

“Where to first,” Bones said, revving the engine and turning the stereo on. A pair of aviators obscured his eyes but you could feel him watching you. You pulled yourself out of your tragic, indie movie star pose and sat up in your seat, sending a devious smile Bones’ way. You knew exactly where to start.

Leonard McCoy had never understood the appeal of Las Vegas, but seeing you standing on top of the bar singing your heart out and swinging your hips. Well, he was starting to appreciate it. You curled your finger at him, beckoning him to come up, and, despite his better judgement, he downed the rest of his drink and joined you.

At least, that’s what Leonard thinks happened. The night’s memories were a little fuzzy right up until he woke up next to you in bed with nothing but a sheet and your arm wrapped around his torso. He slipped carefully out of bed and into the shower, trying desperately to remember what happened last night. He remembered dancing and he remembered sleeping but he couldn’t remember sleeping with you. He couldn’t remember your taste or your smell, only how warm you felt lying next to him.

When Bones got out of the shower, you were already dressed, sitting cross-legged on the bed. He held the towel around his waist a little tighter as he sidled over to his bag to pull out a fresh change of clothes.

“Mm mm mm,” you said, eyeing him, “I get why they call you Bones now.”

Bones froze. “And why’s that?”

“Because I wanna jump your bones.” You winked before practically springing off the bed. “Come on, sugar. You got plenty of sleep last night after I hauled your drunk ass up here. Time to hit the road.”

Bones let out a huge sigh of relief as you entered the bathroom. As many times as he’d thought about what sleeping with you would be like, he never pictured it as a drunken escapade in a downtown Vegas hotel. He’d always hoped it would be romantic, that he could woo you, that it would

“Wait,” he shouted through the bathroom door, “you want to fuck me?”

You let your confession run freely around Bones’ mind for awhile as the two of you barreled down Highway 70. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as you watched the landscape whiz by, wind blowing your hair around you, sun making your thighs stick to the leather seats when you moved. You thought for a moment that shorts might not have been the best idea, but Bones’ eyes darted to you every time you adjusted them and you figured that in itself was worth it.

“We should go see the giant nut,” you said. Bones eyes jumped to you again, curious, and lingering long enough for the car to start drifting out of the lane. He jolted back into position and you snickered.

Bones cleared his throat to regain his composure, though you could tell by the pitchiness in his voice that his mind was still elsewhere: “The giant nut?”

“Yeah, the world’s largest pistachio nut. It’s in Alamogordo, which is on the way.”

Bones groaned. “Come on, you promised we would make it through New Mexico before we stop for the day.”

“And we can! Look, we’ll just stop for a little bit, snap a pic, and keep going.”

“If we’re only staying for a few minutes, why go at all?”

“Because it’s the world’s largest pistachio nut.” You emphasized each word as if it should have been obvious. “How many times in your life have you seen a giant nut? I mean come on Bones, it’s 30 feet tall.”

Bones remained unimpressed, even standing in the shadow of the actual nut. “It’s not even real.”

You rolled your eyes. “Of course it’s not real.”

“Well you said it’s the world’s largest pistachio.”

“And it is,” you argued, waving your arms at all of its concrete glory. “It’s not about the nut. It’s about what it represents. It’s about this guy who loved both pistachios and roadside attractions, which, by the way is incredibly relatable.”

Bones snorted. “I’ll make sure to propose with a pistachio on the side of the road then.”

“Hey, I might not be a traditional kinda person, but friends to spouses is a bit of a jump, isn’t it,” you teased. You giggled as you watched the tips of Bones’ ears turn pink under the streetlight.

“Well, whaddya say we start being a little more than friends?”

You turned to face him fully, smile spreading across your face. “I’d say you need to take a few pointers from Jim on how to woo a woman.”

Bones rolled his eyes before pulling you against him. “Shut up,” he muttered, bringing his lips down against yours. You stood on your tiptoes to reach your arms around his neck, pulling your bodies as close as you could, wishing the moment could last forever only to have it broken by a fit of laughter.

“I’m sorry,” you giggled, noting Bones’ quizzical look. “I’m sorry I just. I spent a lot of time thinking about kissing you but I - I never once pictured it in the shadow of a giant fucking pistachio.” Whatever composure you were clinging to escaped and you doubled over with laughter. Bones chuckled too, putting a hand on the small of your back as you clutched your sides. Your chest ached by the time you finally caught your breath - breath that left you again as soon as you looked back into Bones’ eyes.

He smiled warmly at you - a bigger smile than you’d seen on him before. He slipped a hand beneath your chin and pulled you into another chaste kiss before his lips brushed against your cheek. Your breath caught in your throat as his teeth grazed your earlobe. His breath was hot against the side of your face, the anticipation grueling until he finally spoke: “The metal dinosaur was still cooler.”

You punched him playfully in the chest. “We were having a moment. Jerk.”

Bones laughed freely now. “Come on, sugar. We can’t have a moment in front of the giant nut. You wanna have a moment, we should find a hotel.” He rested his hands on your hips, pulling you close to him again.

“Thought you wanted to get to Texas.”

“Changed my mind. Figure we’ve seen enough roadside attractions. Maybe it’s time for a few bedside ones.”

You stretched languidly in the morning sunlight, rolling over to throw an arm around Bones’ torso. To your disappointment, he was already up and out of bed. You cracked an eyelid open and spotted him in the kitchenette, cooking and humming away. Groaning, you forced yourself out of bed and padded into the kitchen to wrap your arms around him, burying your face between his shoulder blades.

Bones turned in your arms, leaning down to kiss the top of your head. “Breakfast’ll be ready in a sec if you wanna go get dressed.”

You grunted. “Sure I can’t just have you?” You were sure your ruffled hair and wrinkled shirt were as far as you could get from attractive but damn if you didn’t try.

Bones only laughed. “You had me all night, and you can have me again tonight, but for now we’ve got some driving to get done.” He gave you a brief kiss before turning you around and pushing you gently towards your suitcase. You grumbled under your breath, determined to find the perfect sundress to tease Bones with all day in hopes that he’d rip it off of you again when you got to the next hotel. It did not escape Bones notice, and by the way he kissed you as you left the hotel, you guessed he had the same plans.

“Where to now, sweetheart,” he asked, one arm still thrown around your shoulders as he reached down to open the passenger seat for you.

You were careful to let your hem ride up as you took a seat. The way Bones tensed before he shut the door did not go unnoticed, and you smiled. “I was thinking we’d stop by and see Old Rip.”

“Old Rip?” Bones forced himself to keep his eyes on the road.

“Yeah, Old Rip. The miracle of science. Well, not a miracle to you, I guess, on account of how you brought Jim back to life, but a miracle to the simple-minded folks of good ol’ Eastland, Texas in 1926.”

“So what? Some guy died and came back to life?”

“Oh no,” you said, flashing Bones a devious smile, “not a man. He’s a horned lizard. Sorry, was a horned lizard. He’s dead now.”

“Doesn’t sound like much of a miracle to me,” Bones grumbled.

“Oh come on, Len. Don’t be such a grump. This lizard was a rockstar! He met the president when he was alive. Have you ever met the president,” you teased, jabbing Bones playfully in the side.

He swatted at you. “Shut up.”

“Aw, jealous much?” You poked him again.

“I am not jealous of a lizard,” he said, swatting at you again. You laughed, catching his hand in yours and resting both on your leg.

The two of you left Old Rip’s memorial hand in hand, laughing almost until you were crying. You pulled your brand new Old Rip hat down over your eyes to avoid the judging stares of the people around you.

“We shouldn’t,” you gasped between breaths. “We shouldn’t laugh. It’s a miracle of science.”

“The real miracle is that people believe all this.”

“Where did they lose you? The lizard alive after being trapped in a box for 31 years? The theorists who claimed it was fake and then denied that they claimed it was fake? The conspiracy that the real Old Rip was stolen and replaced with a different lizard?” You looked at Bones for all of a minute before breaking down into laughter again.

The rest of the trip was not as eventful. Bones was still eager to see Jo again, and you didn’t want to be the one to keep them apart, so you agreed no more roadside attractions. In the end, you drove straight through Louisiana and Mississippi, only stopping in Montgomery because neither of you could keep your eyes open.

You woke up first, this time, struggling to catch your breath. The nightmare was already fading, but your hands still shook and your throat felt tight. Bones stirred beside you, rolling over to pull you closer to him. His arm, meaning to wrap around your waist, hit your knees instead, and he opened his eyes to find you knees against your chest, breathing heavily.

“Hey,” he said, pushing himself up so he could sit against the headboard next to you. “What is it? What happened?” You shook your head softly, and Bones pulled you against him, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You wrapped your arms around his bare shoulders, pressing your face into the crook of his neck and breathing him in.

In a breath just above a whisper you asked, “What if my mom still hates me?”

“Family isn’t just blood,” Bones started. “Some family you get to choose. Even if your mom can’t accept you, you’ve got an entire ship of people to come back to on the Enterprise.”

You let his words sink in, feeling suddenly uncomfortable under the weight of his stare. It was too gentle, too loving - all the toos you weren’t used to in life, so you did what you always did in these situations. You cracked a joke: “If we’re all family, does that make you my daddy,” you purred in Leonard’s ear.

Bones trailed a finger down your side, barely touching your skin. He pushed you onto your back, trapping your head between his forearms. “Does that make you my baby girl,” he asked, breath hot against your face. He was careful to keep his weight off of you but you could still feel his hips grind against yours.

“God yes,” you breathed before pushing yourself up to claim his mouth with yours. Bones slipped a hand behind your head, keeping you close to him as your hand ran down his chest to the hem of his boxers. You slipped a finger past the hem and Bones sucked a deep breath in, breaking the kiss and resting his forehead against yours.

Bones reached down and pulled your hand back up to his mouth, kissing your fingers one by one. “Not right now, sugar,” he said, though the look in his eyes begged otherwise. “We’ve gotta go see your mama first.”

You dropped back against the bed, groaning. “You sure you don’t want to help me get dressed?”

Bones laughed, placing a kiss against the side of your neck. “I’ve got to shower if I’m supposed to meet your parents today, so you’re on your own.”

“I could always join you in the shower.” Bones rolled his eyes but beckoned you to come, smile still plastered on his face.

You felt like you needed another shower by the time you made it to your parents house. Between the summer heat and the anxiety, you were sweating like a whore in church, an idiom whose irony was not lost on you. Bones’ hand on your back wasn’t helping, and his hum was deafening in your ears. The same song the whole trip and you still couldn’t quite place it.

“Would you quit,” you hissed, pushing Bones’ hand off you and leaving enough space between the two of you so your mother wouldn’t have a fit.

“Quit what?”

“The humming.” You crossed your arms over your chest. You rolled your shoulders back, trying to ease some of the tension in your body as you waited on your parents’ porch.

“Sorry. Figured you’d like it. ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ and all. I’ll stop.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, immediately feeling like an ass. All you needed were a few signs and you could be your own roadside attraction. Hey everyone, come to Blue Springs and see the world’s biggest asshole! Before you could even think of how to remedy the situation, the front door opened and you met your father’s eyes for the first time since you were sixteen.

He brought you upstairs, offering you both some sweet tea but no conversation, and lead you to the master bedroom. The house was exactly as you remembered it, as if it had been frozen in time once you left. Your father hesitated when he reached the door.

“I know the house ain’t changed much since you been gone,” he said, as if you’d left of your own volition, “but your ma ain’t doin’ too well. She’s been real sick, lost most of her hair. Might be a shock to ya.”

Despite the warning, seeing your mother did still shock you. She was hooked up to an IV and monitor, looking impossibly small settled into the king size bed. Her hair was gray and patchy, her skin wrinkled, but her eyes were the same when she looked at you. You wished you could say you saw love in them, but all you saw was guilt.

Bones had to pull you into the room. You watched your mother’s mouth move but the words were lost on you, your ears filled to bursting with the sound of the heart monitor. Her voice was a distant whisper like a breeze through the wheat fields. Bones checked her fluids, her temperature, her pulse, but she ignored him, reaching a hand out to you.

“Sissy’s out at work, but she’ll be coming back for dinner. Will you stay?” You took her hand. It felt like leather wrapped around glass. So much more fragile than the hand that held yours when you were a child. More fragile than the hand that hit you when your mother found out you were pregnant. It was like a cicada shell - so breakable you were afraid to move your fingers lest it crumble.

“I can’t.” You cleared your throat, struggling to keep yourself together. “We can’t. Leonard promised his family he’d visit, and we’ve only got a few days left of shore leave.” It was only half a lie. You had six days left, long enough for you to stay and for Bones to spend time with Jo.

“Oh, Leonard. Are you her husband?”

You felt heat rising in your cheeks, but Bones saved you. “Not yet, ma’am, but hopefully one day, yes. If she’ll have me.”

Of all the responses you expected, you didn’t expect your mother to laugh. “My dear, I’m sure she’d have anyone given half the chance.”

You snatched your hand back, balling both into fists. You didn’t want to fight. Your nails dug into the palms of your hands and you focused on the sting on your skin rather than the sting of your mother’s words. Bones noticed the shift in your behavior easily and forced your hand open, lacing your fingers together. His voice was considerably less kind than before.

“Any man’d be lucky for half the chance. Your daughter is an amazing woman and an incredible doctor. She’s saved dozens of our crewmembers. Works harder than anyone I know.”

You wondered how long Bones would have continued, but your mother broke into a coughing fit and he stopped, jumping into action. You wished you would have had the same reaction, but you felt nothing as you watched the woman in front of you shaking as cough after cough wracked her body. She wasn’t your mother. She was a stranger by her own choice.

“A doctor,” she questioned when she finally caught her breath. “Didn’t know you became a doct-” 

“I invited you to my graduation,” you said before she could finish. You didn’t look her in the eye. “Sissy said you told her she couldn’t come.”

Your mother sighed. She looked tired. “What do you want me to say?”

“What do I…What do I want you to say?” You tore your hand away from Leonard’s, crossing your arms again, rebuilding your last defensive wall. “I don’t know. How about we start with sorry? Sorry I was completely absent from your life. Sorry I didn’t want anything to do with you. Sorry I ruined your childhood.” 

“You did that all on your own.”

“I was sixteen and scared,” you yelled. “Wasn’t that punishment enough? You were my mom. You were supposed to tell me what to do.”

“And I did-”

“Telling me to go to church and confess my sins doesn’t fucking count and you know it.”

“I didn’t raise you to talk like this.”

“You didn’t raise me at all.” Your voice echoed off the walls, hitting your mother as if you’d struck her. She remained silent.

“Everything happens for a reason, sugar bear. As long as you learned your lesson.”

Your last thread of composure snapped. “Well, I didn’t. In fact, Len and I had sex in the shower this morning,” you said, leaning closer. “And we had sex in a hotel two nights ago and sex at a rest stop the day before that and as soon as we get out of here I’m gonna lay him out on the first flat surface I find and-”

Crack. Your mother brought her palm down hard across your face. Harder than you’d expected from her frail frame. It was enough to knock you into her IV stand. She tried to say something back to you, but it only came out as coughs. You froze this moment in your mind as any hope you had of reconciling faded away. As each good memory you had in this house was slowly poisoned, replaced by the hand-shaped welt now forming on your cheek.

Leonard pushed past you to your mother, helping her sit up and breathe. You took his distraction as an opportunity to slink out of the room and out of the house, not bothering to say a word to your father, who was planted firmly in front of the television, like he was in every memory you had of him. You walked, instead, to the backyard, which was overgrown with weeds now. The vegetable garden was long since rotted, but you didn’t care about the tomato plants or the old gardenia bushes. You only cared about the camellia tree.

That’s where Leonard found you, sitting on the stump with your head in your hands, shoulders shaking as you wept. All the time spent swinging on this tree - what felt like the only good memories you had as a kid - cut down to nothing. Leonard sat on the ground at your feet, laying his forehead on one of your knees, his hand on the other, and you slid to the ground next to him, wrapping your arms around him as he pulled you onto his lap.

He kissed your forehead. Then your cheek. Than any piece of skin he could get his hand on, trying to express without words how sorry he was for making you come here. When that didn’t slow your tears, he rubbed your back instead. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry, but I meant what I said about family. You’ve got me and Jim and Christine and everyone on the Enterprise lookin’ after you. It might feel like you’re alone, but I promise you you’re not. You’re never gonna be, because I’m right here and I’m never letting go.”

Bones rocked you slowly. Not humming, not speaking. Just breathing. You focused on that, trying to match your breaths to his. To the sway of his body against yours. You focused on him until everything else fell away and your breath finally caught up to you.

“Whaddya say we get out of here? Find a little diner near the Alabama Georgia border and load up on junk food. I promise I won’t tell your doctor,” he said with a wink.

You smiled weakly. “Yeah, what’s he gonna do if he finds out? Punish me?”

“No,” Bones said, stroking your cheek gently. It was still a deep red. “But he might just have to kiss it all better.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr @trade-baby-blues


End file.
